Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
