We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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