found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
