They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
