No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
