Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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