fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
COCAINE IS GR8
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