Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
