best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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