dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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