All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
