his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
