dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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