i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
