3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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