I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
