Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
