just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize