i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
