11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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