If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
