...so i touched it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
