some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
