I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
