Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
