I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
