I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
