she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
handjob tips. give me some.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
