mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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