Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its not stalking. its research.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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