I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
