oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
