If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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