my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
