You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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