Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
