I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
