Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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