I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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