Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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