shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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