Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
