the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
