I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
