Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
