he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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