Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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