I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
