HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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