I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
