Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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