I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
