i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
